Mandy asks…
Should we divorce over his online affair (emotional infidelity)?
Honestly, I think I know the answer, it is just so hard! We have been together since high school, married for seven years and have a 14 month old beautiful baby girl. It is a few issues:
1. I am the primary care taker. I work full time (he works part time), I cook, clean, take care of the baby, organize / mail the bills, etc. All this while he plays online video games.
2. He plays online video games – like an addiction. Wakes up in the morning to play, plays on his luch break, plays at night. Life revolves around that. If I want to make plans for us, I hope he doesn’t have something schedule that night with his online gaming friends. Sometimes if I need him to hold the baby while I…say…get dinner ready, he might say no because he is doing something important on the game and he tells me to put her in her crib or play pin (where she will cry) but it’s okay for babies to cry sometimes he says.
3. And to me, the most deal breaking issue, he develops relationships with females on these games. I left him about 4 years ago because one relationship got so out of hand that he was running up our phone bill calling the girl (who lives across the country and is married with kids). He convinced me to take him back and I did as he promised nothing like that would never happen again, but it did. I forgave again, things were good, and while I was pregnant, he started communicating with her again. Their conversations are very inappropriate, of how they want to be together when the time is right, and she has even sent him naked pics.
She got mad at him and emailed me while I was pregnant to tell me of their communication. I should have left then and there, but I was naive. I confronted him, he was livid at her and promised (yet again) that it would never happen anymore. I though (dumbly) that when the baby came maybe he would finally get his priorities together but…
…he didn’t.
Yes, we’ve been to counseling a few years ago and he wasn’t very receptive to that and felt “attacked”.
I feel like he’s had way too many chances and even if it wasn’t this girl, it would just be another.
Part of my struggle comes from the fact that he is (to my knowlege) not cheating in the flesh, but I know…emotional infidelity hurts just as much.
I really do plan to end it next month (I have a predetermined date), I am just trying to mentally prepare for it all. Sometimes I don’t know if I have the strength to go through with it.
What do you think?
The Expert answers:
You’re right. You do know the answer. He is addicted not only to the computer and its gaming but also to affairs with other women online. Most people try to convince themselves that cyber affairs are not cheating. Call it what you want, but a rose by any other name is still a rose. It is an absolute betrayal of trust and a spit in the face of your significant other. Frequently conversations revolve around dissing your partner. Emotional affairs are more dangerous than physical ones. They create walls between partners and sometimes abusive and hostile feelings that are not warranted in any way toward the unsuspecting wife/husband. It is stolen time, attention, and affection away from the legitimate partner and money in your case. Cyber affairs allow people to become very close in an unrealistic forum and create false ideas of reality. They are only a nanosecond away from physical contact if the opportunity should present itself. It sounds like you have been in pain over this for quite awhile. The fact that you are setting a date and preparing yourself mentally says you are a strong woman who has had enough abuse and is ready to find a man that will honor and respect not only you but your daughter. It will get worse before it will get better and that is the scary part. But it will get better. Know if you stay and do nothing…it will just stay bad forever. And in Dr. Phil’s words…”How’s that working for you?” I wish you the best of luck. You can do this!
Thomas asks…
Question for married couples with kids: Is it normal for husband and wife to be doing their own thing at home?
For example: this is what’s happening at my house. Hubby and 6-yr. old son playing Xbox 360 game together. I am obviously online, but about to go rent a movie and watch it in my room, where a baby is sleeping (3 month old). I’ll watch the movie with headphones on, so I don’t wake the baby.
Is this unusual? For us to be spending time “apart” like this. Or is it “together” ?
The Expert answers:
Its normal. A lot of couples do their own thing. Since your asking about it I think you wish it wasnt like that.
Maybe you could change this by talking to your husband about the fact you want you guys to do more together. Start by sitting some time aside to play games together, watch a movie, or give each other a foot massage.
If possible get a sitter and have a date night once every so many weeks. If you guys start out slowly doing more and more together it will strengthen your guys relationship and before you know it you guys will be doing more and more at home together.
Mark asks…
I need kids in my life!! Help!!?
Please don’t assume anything about me for saying this, I know I am only fourteen but I constantly feel the need to be around young kids or babies. I cannot emphasize enough how much I want a child but not more than one now. I have my dad at home all day because he has an office there and two uncles who are jobless so they are home. They all love kids, one of them never got the chance to have one but that does not exclude the wish of having one. I really need someone in my life who I can take care of. I mean I have online simulation games that come close but its just not real. Please help me!!
Oh and by the way, my parents are way over the age of adopting and having kids themselves
The Expert answers:
As already stated there are plenty of ways to spend time with kids. Daycare and babysitting are the easiest (and actually help you to earn money). Many of the local churches would likely love to have you help out in their nursery during services on Sunday. You can also visit volunteermatch.org and find plenty of opportunities to volunteer. As someone who regularly volunteers with children I highly recommend volunteering and the volunteermatch.org website.
When your older and have met a man you love you will be able to start a family and enjoy motherhood. But you won’t be ready for that experience for many years. Until you’ve met the right man and are in a position to be able to provide the child the support it deserves you can ‘practice’ by helping others with their children. Trust me when I say it’s a rewarding experience.
David asks…
Fun baby name game <3!?
1)You have just turned 18, you and your highschool sweetheart ____________ decide to marry on your graduation day. While on your honeymoon to _________, you get an unexpected suprise.
2)A BABY wil soon be joining your family. Your husband supports you thew whole way. You are so excited to have a new little son named _____ _____ joining your family. He looks exactly like your husband, brown hair blue eyes.
3) Your husband decides for you to go to your dream college ____________, while he stays home with the baby and takes online courses.
4) You are now 23 and more than happy to get a new job as a __________.
5) you move to your favorite place in the world __________.
6) Your son, now 6, is begging for a new little sibling. You husband and you, (now 25) are ready to began tring again. You try for two long years negative pregnancy test after negative pregnancy test. You and your husand are now so desprate, you go to the doctor who informs you that you wil need help having children. You only want one more baby, and you know invetro can be “suprising” but you decide to go through wiht it anyway. On your first try, you are extatic to find you you are pregnant! When you go to the doctors for your first checkup, he tells you there are six babys (sextuplets) in your belly! He recomends aboring 3 or 4 of the children, but you say NO WAY, and go through with the pregnancy, even though it is extreamly difficult. At 32 weeks, you deliver 6 healthy babys, 4 girls and 2 boys, you name ____ ____, ____ ____, ____ ____, ____ ____, ____ ____, ____ ____.
7) When the sextuplets are 4, you decide you are done having kids, and you and you and your husband move to ________.
8) You live in this area for a few years, your oldest son 15, and the sextuplets 6. Your neighor made a huge mistake, she is 14, and just found out she is expecting. You are in the free clinic volounteering one day, when you see her. She is crying. You talk to her, she tells you that she is pregnant, and wants to have an abortion because she has no support at home. Her name is _______
9) She tells you she has been kicked out of her house. you tell her to come home with you to stay for a few nights. After you and your husband talk it over, you perswade the girl not to have an abortion and you tell her she can move in to your house for good. Halfway through her pregnancy, she tells you she wants the baby to be your child, so it will have a mom and a dad. You agree, but the girl also asks for you to adopt her. You also agree and are happier than ever. Your new daughter turns out to be having twins, a boy and a girl. Their names reflect strength, they are ____ ____ & ____,____
10) You are now 50, and the children are all grown up. Both of your adopted daughters are living together, mother and daughter. The sextuplets have gotten great jobs. Your oldest son has married a beautiful woman named ________, and they have 4 beautiful children, 3 boys and 1 girl names _____ _____, _____ _____, _____ _____, _____ _____.
11) You have fuffiled all your lifelong dreams, and decide to retire in your favorite place, ___________
12) Was this fun?
The Expert answers:
1. Eric Michael
Honeymoon – Poseidon Undersea Resort
2. Alastor George
3. Northwestern University
4. Photographer
5. Seattle, WA
6. Remus Arnold, Phineas Brian, Rowena Lily, Penelope Ariana, Arabella Susan & Daphne Helena
7. Bainbridge Island, WA
8. Chastity
9. Wulfric Arthur & Kendra Eloise
10. Sally Elise.
Orion Vincent, Cormac Gregory, Newton Dudley & Luna Eleanor
11. Belmont, MA
12. Sure.
Chris asks…
Where can I find Spyro 2 Ripto’s Rage at a cheap price and brand new?
What store? For what price? If online how fast does it ship? It’s for my baby brother. He’s turning 4 on December 26. HE loves playing games so its a kids game for him.
The Expert answers:
Try gamestop
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