Your Questions About Baby Care

John asks…

Unsure of my feelings towards marriage, Need advice?

Where do I start..hmmm..Well, Me and my hubby of 4 years met online and had a whirlwind romance. He was deployed to Iraq when we met online then 3 months later, we met on his R&R in texas. I fell in love when I met him and he said he did too. 6 months later after getting back from deployment we got married after transfering from the army base in germany and going to an Army base in NY.

To me, I thought we had a happy life. Couldnt ask for a better husband. He gave me everything after we got married. Had a great sex life, great friends…everything seem great. After just being together for 6 months, we were married already. I really thought we connected coz we didnt have problems when we were together til he got deployed in feb ’06 to afghanistan. It was hard but I remained strong because I loved him so much and would wait for him no matter what.

I wasnt working for the first part of this deployment so I was there anytime he needed to talk or whenever he was free. Things seem great even with deployment til i went back to work since i got so bored at home. After his R&R, he had a short fuse with me. We argued more and I just felt his cold shoulder towards me but didnt think of it since its hard being deployed. I remained strong, faithful and hopeful about our relationship.

so finally in feb 07, he came home! it was amazing seeing him again. we continued everything like nothing ever happened til that faithful night…..I just got home from work and we were gonna go out and go to the movies. when I came home he seem distant but didnt think of I told him to go get ready and he did. so i went and check my email on my computer. his laptop was beside mine and something was telling me to look at it….so I opened it and there I found an open yahoo messenger and it had 1 screen name and it was the girl that i knew that liked him. I wasnt panicking til I read all his message archive and found out he cheated on me with this girl when we were engaged and then an online affair with the same girl during the end part of the deployment. It was all explicit and hurtful….I felt like my world fell apart! I confronted him and he didnt deny it. I just bawled my eyes off and packed my bags. I was about to leave and he stopped me from leaving. He said that he really loves me and he didnt want me to leave. He said he ended it with her before he came home….He told me everything that happened, details and all….He has been trying hard to win me back. he has done a lot of stuff and sacrifices to make this relationship work. He wants us to grow old together…He has been scared that i am gonna leave him so when he found out I was pregnant he was so happy and he thinks that with the baby its gonna make us stronger. I really was not sure about the pregnancy that I wanted to stay but he has been a good husband and father to my son.

Now, he is supposed to come home from iraq soon and i dont know how I feel about everything in our relationship. This relationship have been really hard…there were moments that we were gonna break but we tried to talk it out. Its like I cant forgive him and I am so insecure about myself pluse I am still so angry and bitter. to make things worse….I started talking to a good friend online again after long absence, we are in the same situation but he didnt cheat..his wife left him for partying and guys….so we’ve been supporting each other then all this led to an online relationship….didnt know he always had a thing for me back when…he is a great guy!! my husband always gets jealous when we talk and accused me of cheating….we never did anything til now when we told each other we had feelings for each other….but I broke it off right away coz first, I am still marriedd and we are still trying to work things out…..

my question is I feel empty inside…its like the love for my husband is not the same, I dunno if it can be where like it was when he was my world but now, I am not sure what to think. I am just scared that my son wont get enough emotionally and financially if I decide to separate. i love him but I am not sure if I am still in love with him…..I dunno what to do?? maybe since he is deployed and far away, its really getting to me and plus I constantly think of the other guy coz I just got it off with no reason and quit talking to him…So do u think me and my husband can survive this?
I confessed to him about the other guy and he said he had a gut feeling about me and my good guy friend and he realy feels threaten by him. He forbade me not to talk to him ever again. he has been so sweet to me and been trying really hard to make me happy and get to trust him again but there’s always the thought in my head that its gonna happen again and I get so mad….I also still think of the other guy,,what could have been if he would have told me about his feelings before my husband came in the picture..this is all a big mess

The Expert answers:

Marriage is a experience and it is necessary to all.For that no one can
help you.Only they will provide you their experience.Because you have
to play a role in your life on the basis of others experience.I would like
to advised you that after marriage first of all left your ego and then try
to adopt yourself in your life such as divotee.Enjoy each movement in
your life occur

Laura asks…

If God is real then explain this please?

I am not trying to offend anyone, I just need an answer I can work with. I know I am not perfect so I don’t know if God is real or not…….as a matter of fact, no one knows for sure….we just believe and have faith.

What I don’t understand is why God would create imperfection; isn’t he perfect, all knowing and flawless? I ask a lot of people at church and they say its all part of his perfect plan, but that still confuses me since its weird for a perfect being to use imperfection to create a perfect outcome.
Does this make sense to anyone?

Think about it like this, If I was perfect and I could make a perfect baby then why would I make a retarded one? Wouldn’t that just be plain evil since that baby doesn’t deserve to suffer because he/she did no wrong.

I just don’t believe in God anymore or the stuff written in the bible. The whole story seems too messed up to be true. Maybe if the story was more interesting and realistic only then I might take it seriously. But when I read about talking snakes, God making the Devil, God turning water into wine, Mary was a Virgin, an elderly man building a boat……..etc, I just cant take it seriously. Sometimes I try to but at the end of the day I know none of those things are possible. Its funny how those things were possible in the past but now in 2010 they cant happen.

To sum everything up, I just don’t understand why God couldn’t just skip making the Devil and just create a perfect world. Why wouldnt he want us to be happy? Does he like raping, killing, adultery…etc? It seems so to me because he made Satan knowing very well all this would happen.
People always tell me about ‘free will’, I kinda understand it but I always tend to look at the big picture which is

Why would God give us the ‘free will’ to choose if we want to go to heaven or hell? Why give ‘free will’ to someone who is not perfect and can be tricked by the Devil? If he loved us like he says then he should have just made us in heaven to begin with. I guess we are some kind of game to him…….MAY THE BEST WIN

The Expert answers:

There are a couple factors you may not have considered.

First, any engineering requires trade-offs. If we are to be directed by a genetic code that passes on traits to babies, there are sometimes damages to genes that cause retardation, and it is likely that preventing these possible damages would also prevent beneficial changes. Like all dangers in life (viruses, earthquakes, floods, illnesses, accidents), it is part of our responsibility as humans to prevent or mitigate these dangers.

A second factor is that sin has caused disorder in the world. For example, think of all the resources being poured into abortion that might be devoted to improving prenatal care.

God never intended our limited time on earth to be all of life; he plans that we live forever with him in heaven in a life that will not include injury, illness, retardation, or death. Those who become sons or daughters of God in baptism, who follow his commandments, and who endure to the end will live forever in heaven in perfect safety.


Jenny asks…

Need Opinions about live-in nannies please.?

I am a single mom and will soon be in a situation where I can have a live in nanny in a detached, private studio apartment behind my house. What I am wondering is, since I will be providing the apartmenht and paying all the utilities, is it possible to just provide room and board and not pay the person any money?

Ideally, I want a retired person, who has their own income to be his nanny, so it would really be a winwin situation for both of us. For me, I wouldn’t have to pay daycare expenses and the nanny would be close by so he wouldn’t have to wake up until he was ready in the morning, instead of like now he has to get up at 7 a.m. when he would sleep until 9 if I didn’t wake him up. The nanny would have a free apartment, all utilities paid, free meals and not have to spend any of her money on that kind of stuff.

Does that seem fair to people or does it seem like I am taking advantage? The nannies hours would be 7 a.m. to 5:30 p.m. Monday, Wednesday and Friday and 7 a.m. to 9:30 p.m. Tuesday and Thursday. I also plan on paying for any extra time, such as a Saturday evening or something I will pay $10 if less than 5 hours and $20 if over 5 hours.

So she would have weekends (except for the occasional Saturday for about 4 hours, which she would be paid cash for), holidays and any days I am home off work since I wouldn’t expect her to care for him on days I can.

As far as days off, if you have a live in nanny and that person gets sick, how do you handle that?

Also, since we would basically be trading service would she be considered an employee for tax purposes?

Any information, suggestions or comments would be apprecitated. If you think I should pay her in addition to providing room and board, please indicate what you think is fair. I currently pay $20 per day for daycare, so I pay a little over $400 a month and I can rent out the studio for $450 plus utils.

Also, the only other thing besides daycare I will be requiring of her is to clean up after the baby and herself during the day.

Thanks for your input!
The $20 a day I pay for daycare was the price quoted to me by my provider, that is what she charges for every child in her daycare, so no, I am not ashamed of myself for paying that much. When I was looking for a daycare the highest price I was quoted was $30 a day.
As far as her having no time to herself, she would have every evening after 5:30, weekends, holidays and any days I am home from work off.
Oops, I meant every MWF Friday evening since Tuesday and Thursday she would be working until 9:30

The Expert answers:

Sorry, but no. That’s just not legal. You have to offer them at least minimum wage. However, you can take rent, utilities, and electric, etc. Out of their pay before it gets to them, if they agree to that. You’ll want to make sure that you keep and provide adequate documentation that shows you’re not withholding more that allotted. If she is live in, you can also ask her to write out the scheduled clock hours she actually spends working at night, so that you don’t have to pay her for a 24 hour schedule when she’s only working so many hours a night. Probably pay her for an extra hour or so as well, just because she will still have to prepare and get up/ go back to sleep. Keep in mind, as well, that if you have her work in the night, you will still owe her overtime as legally required.

If you do 40 hours a week, 9-5, then I am guessing you’ll end up paying her for about 20 hours (in her check, if it’s minimum wage) a week on average. Keep in mind that you will also be responsible for keeping the second house in proper working order, as any landlord would. However, I will tell you to be cautious about anyone in childcare willing to work for minimum wage. My last nanny job offer was about 2 times the local minimum, and that was a while ago.

For more advice, just ask. I’m in the business. If you happen to live in OK, I can provide a lot more, as well.

Joseph asks…

I’m 16 – what do you think of my life story so far?

I was born in 1992 to a couple who had an on/off relationship and were constantly fighting, my mum being emotionally abusive to my father. My father left many times but kept coming back to see me and bond with me as a toddler. As a young child I was in my mother’s custody and saw my father once a week. I’ve witnessed a lot of horrible rows between my parents, shouting and violence from when I was only 4 or 5. I started primary school and after 6 weeks I had to be taken out of that school and start in a new one because my father left again and we had no car to get to the other school. I was about 5 and I remember being very affected by my family life and always upset in school, afraid of the teachers, upset by the subject of fathers and I was also shy of the other kids. I used to always ask my mum for a baby brother or sister so when I was 5 in 1998 my parents got back together to have my sister, and while my mum was pregnant my dad left again. So there was me my mum and my baby sister living alone in the house. I had some friends in primary school over the years and I went to their houses and I also went to summer camps and dance classes and scouts and gymnastics. And I still saw my father every week, and so did my sister. But my mother was becoming more and more abusive to me. I was really frightened of her because she would always push me around, shout at me, chase me into corners, belt me with objects like a wooden spoon, and she started calling me names like ‘cow’ which gradually got worse and worse as I got older, she gives me all kinds of verbal abuse, nearly every abusive name you can think of, tells me she hates me etc. But she would only be like this some of the time, other times she would act nice so I always used to forgive her. I also believed that it was my fault, that there was something wrong with me. So I had very low self esteem from around age 8 onwards. I wouldn’t mix with the other kids because I believed I wasn’t good enough for them, that they wouldn’t want me around. My sister escaped most of the abuse because my mother always favoured her to me, believing that I was more like my dad, whom she hates. I started to become very frustrated and I still had low self esteem and I remember feeling like the other kids in my class were all leaving me out and I used to bicker with other kids and feel jealous a lot. So when the time came to start secondary school I wanted a fresh start and to get away from my classmates, so I went to a different school than them, hoping to make new friends and become really happy. But it didn’t turn out that way because my self esteem issues were not gone and my mother’s abuse didn’t stop so I still had a horrible time, I got quieter and shyer than ever and even though I made friends they weren’t very good friends. The only good thing that happened was that I started to receive counselling and for the first time ever talked about the abuse at home. By this time it had gotten worse, and more violent, with me starting to lose control and hit my mother back a few times and self harming by scratching my wrists with a scissors. this was at age 14/15. Eventually my dad became more involved in the whole situation with the counsellors and he stepped in to try and gain custody of me and my sister through the courts. But he didn’t win so I ran away with my sister to live with him, leaving all our stuff, our schools and our pet rabbit behind. I was so excited because I thought that I would finally have a safe home where I wasn’t abused and I could be free to live my life. But my sister got sent back to our mother by the courts 1 month later while I got to stay. And at the same time that we first moved to our dad’s, he got engaged to this woman who he had known for 4 months and she and her 3 teenagers moved in as well, but I didn’t mind, I was just open to them and willing to share my life with them as a stepsister and stepdaughter and I thought we would all be happy. And I started in a new school. But after a few months I started to realise that my stepmother to be was kind of a mean person, and constantly putting my dad down and degrading him and establishing herself as ‘the boss’. The two of them were working but they were spending all the money on their, or should I say *her* big dream wedding and honeymoon, so they wouldn’t buy me or the other kids anything like clothes, especially me who had nothing because everything was at my mum’s house and she wouldn’t let me take them. My grandparets were the ones who were looking after me and buying me everything without my dad ever paying them back. I tried a couple of times to talk to my dad and tell him that I felt he was making a mistake in marrying his fiancee, that I thought she was emotionally abusing him and brainwashing him and that I was really disappointed in my new life. But he just wouldn’t listen to me, and just told me that I was wrong and that his wife was a great woman. Me and her
didn’t get on that well after that and she would send me aggressive text messages and leave nasty notices on the fridge. When my aunt stood up for me she started sending her a lot of abusive emails then. And my dad was hiding behind her all this time, he knew everything that she was writing to his daughter and his sister and he stood by everything she said. Also, the house was absolutely filthy and disgusting because my stepmother and her 3 kids are dirty people and never did any cleaning, my dad as well, and so I ended up being the only one doing housework without any thanks and being treated like dirt by all of them. So I felt like Cinderella, living with an evil stepmother and bratty step siblings, doing the chores as well as my own washing and cooking and homework and coursework as well. But the house was still disgusting and I got tired of being treated like dirt by my stepmother and being misunderstood by my father and being treated like there was something wrong with me,
when all I was doing was trying to help him, so I decided to move back to my mother’s where at least I had a clean, comfortable home and my sister and my hometown which I missed, plus a better chance at education. So I’ve been back with her for nearly 3 months and I’ve started in my 3rd secondary school, the one where all my primary classmates went in the first place. I’m trying to believe in myself and improve my self esteem and make some friends and get a social life (though it isn’t easy for me) and improve my talents and work at my studies,
while also looking out for my sister, still having to deal with my mother dragging me down and worrying about stuff like part time work and what I’ll do after I’ve finished school. I want to go to uni and maybe study psychology or medicine or art. But I would be leaving my sister alone with our mother. Oh I forgot to mention that my mother is mostly the way she is because she is Paranoid Schizophrenic, so she thinks everyone is out to get her and everyone is connected, and she completely refuses treatment, but apart from that she’s just a nasty person as well. So I’m feeling pretty trapped for the next few years until my mother is receiving help (but I don’t know how that’s going to work out) and my sister is in safe hands, (perhaps living with our aunt and uncle).
Sometimes I feel quite down about my childhood and all of the horrible experiences, and I feel like I will never fit in with other people my age because of what I’ve been through, so I find it hard to try and connect with them, also because I feel like I have to keep my life a secret. How can I be the best person I can be and live my life to the full and enjoy the next two years of my life?? What do you think?

The Expert answers:

I think you have had a pretty shitty kind of life, BUT … You sure sound level headed to me, and that is a real good sign. For someone so young as you, you have a mature way of seeing all the things that have gone wrong in your life, and though this is sad, for you did not ask to be born, and I firmly believe every child is a precious thing, you can in just a few years turn your whole life around, and I feel that you will. Out of bad will come real good for you.

I feel that you will go to Uni or anywhere else that you so desire, you seem to have that wonderful drive. I feel you will choose a profession that will give you financial security, and one day I feel you will make a wonderful mother. For it seems to me, all the harm and the bad that was done to you, with you being so level headed, you will ensure your children never follow the same fate.

Sure you will get down, but remember this please, the early years of your life you had no control over, but its the rest of the years, and there are going to be many, as your only 16 now, that you can turn to your total advantage. And in doing so you will have a wonderful life.

So when at times you feel low – remember my words and believe in yourself – for a youngster I think your pretty wonderful.

I have had the majority of my life, and what I can say is that if everyone thought in the way that you do, seeing the truth for what it is, and having the stamina to make your life better, then the whole world would be a much better place.

Good Luck and stay strong. Work at your studies, set your own boundaries and you will then ensure you have a much better way of life – one that you will be totally in control off. Self esteem – is only low because of your past history which is no fault of your own – so build up on that. Your a total stranger to me, yet reading your words showed me instantly that your an intelligent and well worth while person.

Carol asks…

Do you know witches,wizards,psychics or tarot readers?

I really need some help answers and a free tarot reading even if is all online I really want and need information I want to be able to chat,talk and mail wizards,witches,pyschics and tarot readers.
I really want to be able to leave a chat/forum before my life ends too.
Im dammed I chouldnt even be alive and I dont have anything noone and anyone and anyone to live Im 25 mexican I really miss and think about my exfiance Chantal Martis and her baby everyday all the time.
I sent some messages and asked for some help and answers on bitwine and love magick forum but people havent wanted to help me have ignored me and had been mean and cold.
Actually despite that Summer acted as mean %&/& to me I really could use her help and a friend right now I want to take care of some stuff before my life ends and there are a lot of stuff I wish I could do and buy before I go but I wont it almost impossible to win a contest while you didnt even bought tickets.
Chantal Martis 21 Netherlands Antilles
Ivan Delabra Lara 25 Mexico city november/14/1985
Ask for my gmail
No it wont be temporal Kathleen and I wont deal with this again im dammed and unless I stop existing I will become a monster thats really very unfair of you this sittuation isnt my fault I was job searching and went to job interviews the woman I loved chould understood this isnt my fault.
Please only people that know of what they are talking is mean and childish to make fun of people grow up.

The Expert answers:


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