Your Questions About Baby Care

Is it unfair of me to give my mom the ultimatum to get the help she needs or I won’t come back to the States?

Sorry this is SO LONG.

My mother has major depression that she has refused to get for, and it’s had a severe impact on my life. Six years ago she and I were in a car accident together and while she was being treated at the hospital they discovered a malignant tumor in her brain. She had brain cancer, but it was caught early enough so that she was successfully treated pretty quickly. She’s been in perfect physical health since then, but has remained depressed this entire time. Things became worse for all of us when we moved to Australia in late 2008 for my dad’s job. Her mood swings and depression became more intense then, and since we were on the other side of the world my grandparents and other family members couldn’t help. It was a hard time for everyone, but she made it so much more difficult. She has a MBA and a work visa but refused to get a job. She wasn’t doing the stay at home mom thing either. We had a maid and this girl who goes to the local university was like a nanny for us. My mom would sleep in late every day, take like 2 hours getting dressed and then go and volunteer at our church. She was obsessed with how everything looked – our house, our appearance, our behavior – but that was about it. She didn’t really help with homework, she didn’t prepare meals, she didn’t show a lot of love or anything. Part of her issue was OCD. She was obsessive with rules and order. She could be absurdly strict and give harsh punishment for little things. My dad travels a lot with work, and wasn’t around enough to help us out.

After my baby sister was born 13 months she got post partum depression on top of everything else. She stopped being as OCD but it was kinda like she just stopped living. She never once breast fed my sister. She’ll stay in her nightgown and robe till like 3 in the afternoon sometimes and go for a couple of days without taking a shower. She became super self conscious and didn’t want outsiders coming in. The maid and the nanny / babysitter were let go. This was all at a hard time in my life too. The private school we’d attended was closing because there weren’t enough students and money, and it was like the one place I really loved and was happy. My other sister and brother started going to another school. My dad asked me to start going to school online so I could be at home and help out with the baby and other kids. He started paying me a pretty nice amount since I was doing the job of the maid and the nanny. I’ve saved him money by doing those jobs, and I keep the house running and take care of the kids. In a way it seemed like a good solution because I want to go to college in the States and sticking to an American curriculum was helpful. But going to school online has a ton of drawbacks. All my friends from school live in Illinois. The time difference makes it hard to do the classes and even skype with my friends. Trying to pay attention to your school work while you’ve got a baby sister crying and teething is super hard. The responsibility of doing all the laundry, all the cooking, all the everything involved in running our house and family is way too much. The money doesn’t make up for everything I’m missing! Worst of all, I felt chained to the house. I don’t have my license and I don’t have a work visa so I can’t work outside of the house in Australia. The only times I ever left the house was to walk my sister to and from school, walk the dog, do the grocery shopping (since my mom never did) and go to gymnastics three times a week and to church on Sunday. I spent the rest of my life in the house.

My dad has been trying to get my mom to go into therapy for ages. She won’t go. She saw a psychiatrist in March and was prescribed an antidepressant. She won’t take it because she’s afraid she’ll gain weight from it. She used to be very beautiful and thin and said having us wrecked it all. Right now I’m with my grandparents in Illinois. I am happy for the first time in over a year. Just being a normal teen has felt so amazing. They know about my mom. They want me to stay here and live with them. They have a huge house in a nice area and live right down the road from a great high school. I could start there in August as a senior. I already went down there and talked to them about how I’d go about enrolling. I could have a real high school experience and just enjoy my life again. I’m never ever going to get to be a teen or go to high school again. This is my last chance. I think that me being here will actually help my mom. Without having me to do everything for her, she’ll have to start doing it herself. I think being productive will help her so much. I’m hoping this will make my dad insist she get help. I already talked to her about it. She’s upset. She said because I’m 17 I have no rights and she can make me come back. Idk. I told her I’d come back if sh
The Q got cut off. I said I’d come back if she went to therapy, took the medicine, and agreed to let the maid come back so I’m not doing everything myself.

Am I being unfair in making an ultimatum to my mom, or do you think it could help her?

I’m sorry this question is so long!

My mother has major depression that she has refused to get help for, and it’s had a severe impact on my life. Six years ago she and I were in a car accident together and while she was being treated at the hospital they discovered a malignant tumor in her brain. She had brain cancer, but it was caught early enough so that she was successfully treated pretty quickly. She’s been in perfect physical health since then, but has remained depressed this entire time. Things became worse for all of us when we moved to Australia in late 2008 for my dad’s job. Her mood swings and depression became more intense then, and since we were on the other side of the world my grandparents and other family members couldn’t help. It was a hard time for everyone, but she made it so much more difficult. She has a MBA and a work visa but refused to get a job. She wasn’t doing the stay at home mom thing either. We had a maid and this girl who goes to the local university was like a nanny for us. My mom would sleep in late every day, take like 2 hours getting dressed and then go and volunteer at our church. She was obsessed with how everything looked – our house, our appearance, our behavior – but that was about it. She didn’t really help with homework, she didn’t prepare meals, she didn’t show a lot of love or anything. Part of her issue was OCD. She was obsessive with rules and order. She could be absurdly strict and give harsh punishment for little things. My dad travels a lot with work, and wasn’t around enough to help us out.

After my baby sister was born 13 months she got post partum depression on top of everything else. She stopped being as OCD but it was kinda like she just stopped living. She never once breast fed my sister. She’ll stay in her nightgown and robe till like 3 in the afternoon sometimes and go for a couple of days without taking a shower. She became super self conscious and didn’t want outsiders coming in. The maid and the nanny / babysitter were let go. This was all at a hard time in my life too. The private school we’d attended was closing because there weren’t enough students and money, and it was like the one place I really loved and was happy. My other sister and brother started going to another school. My dad asked me to start going to school online so I could be at home and help out with the baby and other kids. He started paying me a pretty nice amount since I was doing the job of the maid and the nanny. I’ve saved him money by doing those jobs, and I keep the house running and take care of the kids. In a way it seemed like a good solution because I want to go to college in the States and sticking to an American curriculum was helpful. But going to school online has a ton of drawbacks. All my friends from school live in Illinois. The time difference makes it hard to do the classes and even skype with my friends. Trying to pay attention to your school work while you’ve got a baby sister crying and teething is super hard. The responsibility of doing all the laundry, all the cooking, all the everything involved in running our house and family is way too much. The money doesn’t make up for everything I’m missing! Worst of all, I felt chained to the house. I don’t have my license and I don’t have a work visa so I can’t work outside of the house in Australia. The only times I ever left the house was to walk my sister to and from school, walk the dog, do the grocery shopping (since my mom never did) and go to gymnastics three times a week and to church on Sunday. I spent the rest of my life in the house.

My dad has been trying to get my mom to go into therapy for ages. She won’t go. She saw a psychiatrist in March and was prescribed an antidepressant. She won’t take it because she’s afraid she’ll gain weight from it. She used to be very beautiful and thin and said having us wrecked it all. Right now I’m with my grandparents in Illinois. I am happy for the first time in over a year. Just being a normal teen has felt so amazing. They know about my mom. They want me to stay here and live with them. They have a huge house in a nice area and live right down the road from a great high school. I could start there in August as a senior. I already went down there and talked to them about how I’d go about enrolling. I could have a real high school experience and just enjoy my life again. I’m never ever going to get to be a teen or go to high school again. This is my last chance. I think that me being here will actually help my mom. Without having me to do everything for her, she’ll have to start doing it herself. I think being productive will help her so much. I’m hoping this will make my dad insist she get help. I already talked to her about it. She’s upset. She said because I’m 17 I have no rights and she can make me come back. My dad said I can sta
I told her that if she got help, took her medicine, and agreed to let the maid come back and help us, I would return. Otherwise, I’m staying put with my grandparents.

Is it unfair of me to give my mom this ultimatum for her own sake (warning – long question?

Sorry this is SO LONG and a repeat. I asked yesterday but didn’t get a lot of answers cause it’s so long and I asked it late.

My mother has major depression that she has refused to get for, and it’s had a severe impact on my life. Six years ago she and I were in a car accident together and while she was being treated at the hospital they discovered a malignant tumor in her brain. She had brain cancer, but it was caught early enough so that she was successfully treated pretty quickly. She’s been in perfect physical health since then, but has remained depressed this entire time. Things became worse for all of us when we moved to Australia in late 2008 for my dad’s job. Her mood swings and depression became more intense then, and since we were on the other side of the world my grandparents and other family members couldn’t help. It was a hard time for everyone, but she made it so much more difficult. She has a MBA and a work visa but refused to get a job. She wasn’t doing the stay at home mom thing either. We had a maid and this girl who goes to the local university was like a nanny for us. My mom would sleep in late every day, take like 2 hours getting dressed and then go and volunteer at our church. She was obsessed with how everything looked – our house, our appearance, our behavior – but that was about it. She didn’t really help with homework, she didn’t prepare meals, she didn’t show a lot of love or anything. Part of her issue was OCD. She was obsessive with rules and order. She could be absurdly strict and give harsh punishment for little things. My dad travels a lot with work, and wasn’t around enough to help us out.

After my baby sister was born 13 months she got post partum depression on top of everything else. She stopped being as OCD but it was kinda like she just stopped living. She never once breast fed my sister. She’ll stay in her nightgown and robe till like 3 in the afternoon sometimes and go for a couple of days without taking a shower. She became super self conscious and didn’t want outsiders coming in. The maid and the nanny / babysitter were let go. This was all at a hard time in my life too. The private school we’d attended was closing because there weren’t enough students and money, and it was like the one place I really loved and was happy. My other sister and brother started going to another school. My dad asked me to start going to school online so I could be at home and help out with the baby and other kids. He started paying me a pretty nice amount since I was doing the job of the maid and the nanny. I’ve saved him money by doing those jobs, and I keep the house running and take care of the kids. In a way it seemed like a good solution because I want to go to college in the States and sticking to an American curriculum was helpful. But going to school online has a ton of drawbacks. All my friends from school live in Illinois. The time difference makes it hard to do the classes and even skype with my friends. Trying to pay attention to your school work while you’ve got a baby sister crying and teething is super hard. The responsibility of doing all the laundry, all the cooking, all the everything involved in running our house and family is way too much. The money doesn’t make up for everything I’m missing! Worst of all, I felt chained to the house. I don’t have my license and I don’t have a work visa so I can’t work outside of the house in Australia. The only times I ever left the house was to walk my sister to and from school, walk the dog, do the grocery shopping (since my mom never did) and go to gymnastics three times a week and to church on Sunday. I spent the rest of my life in the house.

My dad has been trying to get my mom to go into therapy for ages. She won’t go. She saw a psychiatrist in March and was prescribed an antidepressant. She won’t take it because she’s afraid she’ll gain weight from it. She used to be very beautiful and thin and said having us wrecked it all. Right now I’m with my grandparents in Illinois. I am happy for the first time in over a year. Just being a normal teen has felt so amazing. They know about my mom. They want me to stay here and live with them. They have a huge house in a nice area and live right down the road from a great high school. I could start there in August as a senior. I already went down there and talked to them about how I’d go about enrolling. I could have a real high school experience and just enjoy my life again. I’m never ever going to get to be a teen or go to high school again. This is my last chance. I think that me being here will actually help my mom. Without having me to do everything for her, she’ll have to start doing it herself. I think being productive will help her so much. I’m hoping this will make my dad insist she get help. I already talked to her about it. She’s upset. She sai
*She said since I’m 17 it’s not my call and I have to come back because she’s my mother. My dad said it’s my choice. He would like me to come back because he needs me here, but he understands that I can’t stay there forever, and he gets why I’m doing this. He agrees that I need to be able to enjoy my life again. I told her I would come back if she went to therapy, took the medication regularly, and allowed the maid and nanny to come back and help us out.
Dixieland Delight – the ultimatum is that she either gets the help she needs and agrees to let the maid come back and help us, or I will not return to Australia until I’ve graduated from high school next year and am 18.
Dixieland – well, what I really want to do is stay here and go to high school and just enjoy my life. I would go back to Australia not for her but for the baby and my sister and brother. The baby feels like she’s mine because I’ve been taking care of her this whole time since she was born, and it’s really very hard to be away from her. Eventually I have to leave them anyway. It’s just hard. I’m also worried she wont be taken care of properly. She’s only 13 months old.

Do you think it’s fair to redo the rooms for three of your kids and do nothing at all for the other one’s room?

My family moved from Chicago to Australia for my dad’s job when I was 14, and the first year we were here we lived in a small house (literally half the size of the one we’d had) while looking for a bigger one. I was really homesick, and my dad kept telling me that I would feel better when we got the new house and I could make a new room for myself. We moved into this house in August of 09, and have still done nothing with my room. At that time they got my hopes up that I could go back and live with my grandparents for my last 2 years of high school. My brother and sister got to pick out really nice furniture and everything else for their rooms then. Then, my baby sister was born and my mom had this depression thing and my dad said that I not only had to stay here, but that he needed me to go to school online to help out at the house. He said that he really would make sure that I could do something with my room. That was 9 months ago!

I live in a room in the attic, and it’s big, but it’s also super hot or super cold and it has no closet. I hang my clothes on an old ladder and have the rest folded up in laundry baskets because I don’t have any drawers. On my bed I just have my grandma’s quilt I brought with me from home, and it’s super hot in the summer. Most of the furniture in my room belonged to the people who used to live here. It’s old and not in good shape. This is where I spent a good part of my life now because I don’t even go to normal school anymore. I do my classes here.

The reason I’m so upset right now is because my mom took my sister shopping and got her a new duvet, vanity table, and a ton of other things for her room, and she also picked out a new duvet for my brother. She got me a hamper. She said to me that nobody ever goes up to my room so it doesn’t matter as much what my room looks like, and that now that I’m 17 I shouldn’t care. I just turned 17, I’m a junior, and I have more than a year left. Plus my parents want me to go to university here until we move back home in 2013 or 14, so I’ll be here for several years more. It does matter a lot to me.
How is that fair?

Two months ago my dad started paying me for all that I do around the house (which is A LOT), but I had no money of my own at all when they did the whole rest of the house in 09. A lot of the money I get paid with now goes back into the family, like I often buy the groceries and I’m going to start doing it again. They don’t pay for anything at all for me anymore, either. So it’s not like I’ve got the money to buy things for my room myself. My mom has issues and is resentful that I get paid, so she goes out of her way to buy nice things for my sister and just rubs it in my face. I would much rather have a nice, normal life like I used to and not get paid and not live in a gross attic but she doesn’t do ANYTHING around the house and won’t let anybody in, so that’s why I have to do this job. I just want a room that is a pleasant place to live in. I think it’s all really hurtful and unfair.
I’m sorry this is long and sort of a repeat. I feel better venting a little.
Animefan- my dad has been working in Japan for most of this yr. (He’s totally okay, not in the area badly affected) so we just Skype. My grandparents bought me a new laptop for school so I don’t want to ask for too much. I am going to ask them to talk to my dad for me when he gets back. My grandma was here last month. She thought my room was terrible.

a few questions about getting a job (AUSTRALIA)?

my first question is what age can you get a job (i live in victoria, AU if that helps). i always thought it was 14 and 9 months, but some people tell me its 15. i know not many people are looking to hire really young kids, but im saying the actual legal age.

secondly, since i need a resume to get a job, i don’t have any past job experience to put on it, we have done one in class, but what kinds of things are important to include on a resume, and do i need a cover letter?

how do i find places that want to hire?
because i’ve looked online and stuff, but no-where really advertises jobs for young teens. is my best option just to walk around a shopping centre handing out resumes at places im interested in?

and what places do you think are the best to work. i want a proper job, not just like baby sitting or dog walking. preferably no fast food places, like maccas, but i wouldn’t mind a supermarket or bakery/cafe.
also do you think it’s better to work at big places (like target) or smaller, independant shops.
and is it better to work at a food place, or a clothes place or …..

i know its a lot of questions, so thanks heaps 🙂
and please don’t give me links to online survey sites, i’ve already been looking into it.
im looking for a proper job, thanks 🙂
new post:
http://au.answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=ArCHZVpWZ_UcSgfw28iThsjg5gt.;_ylv=3?qid=20090531045246AAhdZzC